National Security or National Circus? Jimmy Kimmel Roasts The White House’s Signal Group Chat Disaster

“This Is Dumber Than a Fast & Furious Sequel,” Kimmel Says of Leaky Administration

If America needed more proof that the current administration runs its security like a group project gone horribly wrong — here it is.

Jimmy Kimmel delivering his monologue.

Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel tore into the Trump administration’s latest self-inflicted scandal on Thursday night: a high-level Signal group chat so insecure, a journalist somehow ended up sitting front-row.

“This is not just a scandal,” Kimmel declared.

“This is a cinematic universe of stupidity.

The leaks keep coming like Marvel sequels nobody asked for.”

Comparing the situation to the Harry Potter saga, Kimmel warned viewers, “There are many more books and stories to come — except in this version, Voldemort would accidentally text Harry the location of all the Horcruxes. ”

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Venmo-Gate: National Security’s New Low Point

Among the comedy gold unearthed this week: National Security Adviser Michael Waltz’s public Venmo transactions, featuring everything from taco reimbursements to suspiciously casual payments to his doctor.

“Look, if your doctor accepts Venmo, you’re not seeing a doctor — you’re seeing a guy named Chad who sells essential oils out of his garage,” Kimmel quipped.

Stephen Colbert joined the roast, adding:
“This man oversees nuclear weapons — and yet he’s out here Venmo-ing $14 for tacos like a broke college sophomore.”

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Der Spiegel Outs America’s Most Clueless Officials

As if this digital disaster couldn’t get worse, German newspaper Der Spiegel reportedly uncovered personal emails, phone numbers, and even passwords for several officials — many still active.

“What a lineup,” Kimmel mocked.

“We’ve got a National Security Adviser who doesn’t know how to secure, a Secretary of Defense who needs defending, and a Secretary of Education who probably thinks ‘phishing’ is a type of seafood.”

The Transparent Administration — Literally

White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt attempted damage control, saying the administration has been “incredibly transparent about this entire situation.”

Kimmel’s response?
“Yes, that’s the problem — they’ve been so transparent we can see their bank accounts, weekend plans, and maybe even their Netflix password.”

An audience watches a movie in a large auditorium, with ornate architecture in the ceiling.

Closing Punch: Trump’s Classic Shrug

Jimmy Fallon chimed in, noting Trump downplayed the scandal, saying it was “really not a big deal.”

“Of course he said that,” Fallon joked.

“He said the same thing about COVID.

Look how great that turned out.”

Final Word

Kimmel summed it up best:
“At this rate, Trump might have to start calling these guys Eric and Don Jr. — because they’ve done so many stupid things this week, it’s honestly impressive.”