🚨 Candace Owens Declares War on Ryan Reynolds?! “Straight Husbands” vs Deadpool in Twisted Hollywood Soap Opera! 🚨

In what can only be described as a reality-TV-meets-legal-thriller-meets-TMZ-on-acid moment, conservative firebrand Candace Owens has jumped all in on a swirling cocktail of allegations, gossip, and lavender innuendo surrounding Hollywood heartthrob Ryan Reynolds.

Yes, that Ryan Reynolds — Deadpool himself.

And according to Candace, maybe also… something else.

Let’s break down the fever dream that is this Owens segment, where late-stage pregnancy meets tabloid exposé and a TikTok husband becomes the oracle of truth in a story no one asked for — but now no one can look away from.

🍿 Hollywood’s Most Fabulous Conspiracy?

At the heart of Candace’s rant is what she calls a “figurative drive-by shooting” — a metaphor she uses to describe Reynolds’ alleged vicious behavior towards Justin Baldoni, the actor-director whose name has suddenly been dragged into a courtroom soap saga involving leaked messages, buried trauma, and perhaps a whole lot of unresolved identity crisis.

Candace doesn’t just imply Reynolds is a closeted gay man.

She practically sends up signal flares.

She’s dropped breadcrumbs across episodes and finally lets a TikTok creator named “Put The Dog On The Phone” deliver the deathblow: straight men, according to him, “don’t have twinkles in their eyes.”

🧠 Diagnosis: Dead Eyes

Yes, this is real.

The TikToker’s groundbreaking forensic tool for s*xual orientation is… eyeball sparkle.

In his thesis, gay men = twinkle, straight men = dead fish stare.

According to him, Reynolds’ gaze is less “Van Wilder” and more “Velvet Rage.”

Owens beams with vindication, declaring she was merely trying to politely introduce audiences to the idea of “lavender marriages” — old Hollywood’s code for beards and closet doors nailed shut.

But now, thanks to this TikTok truth-teller, she can let it rip: Reynolds, in her view, is angry because he’s not honest with himself.

🧵 Lavender Marriages & Alleged Secrets

Throughout her monologue, Owens refers to long-standing rumors about Reynolds, Jackman, and their “bromantic” chemistry — with a healthy dollop of smirking innuendo.

She recalls an “overdone” relationship between Reynolds and Jackman, and the infamous on-stage kiss with Andrew Garfield as further “evidence” in the case of “Ryan vs Reality.”

What started as social commentary quickly devolves into tabloid speculation.

It’s like TMZ with a thesaurus, where “sociological factors” are code for “he’s definitely not straight” and “daddy issues” are wielded like psychological nunchucks.

⚖️ Legal Bombshell: NYT Hit with $200M Lawsuit

But wait — it’s not just Hollywood gossip.

Owens shifts gears and dives deep into the actual legal drama behind this media storm: a $200 million defamation suit involving the New York Times.

Apparently, Justin Baldoni’s legal team (helmed by Brian Freedman, who Owens practically fangirls over) is going after the Times for defamation, false light, and invasion of privacy.

The Times, predictably, tried to invoke “Fair Reporter Privilege,” which protects journalists when reporting on public proceedings.

But Freedman isn’t having it.

According to Owens, his response was a legal mic drop.

She recites lines like they’re Shakespeare: “A pistic bastion of the media establishment…” She swoons.

She wants to be him.

She wants to be sued with him.

👩‍⚖️ Owens: Part-Time Media Critic, Full-Time Law Nerd

We also discover a new wrinkle in the Candace Owens persona: she’s obsessed with legal filings.

As in, she reads them before bed.

She even muses about being a lawyer in another life — one who would “enjoy being a lawyer,” which in Owens-speak means metaphorically shivving media elites with a legal pad.

Her affection for Freedman’s eloquence is borderline romantic.

She describes the New York Times as a crumbling institution, and Freedman’s rebuttal as the first cannonball in a war to reclaim integrity — or at least vengeance.

🧨 Closing Arguments: This Is America’s Reality Now

So what did we learn?

Ryan Reynolds may or may not have “twinkle eyes.”
Straight men allegedly have “dead eyes” and don’t kiss other men — except when accepting awards, or during bits, or in rom-coms, or literally any time they’re actors.

Candace Owens is now the self-appointed High Inquisitor of Hollywood S*xual Politics.

The New York Times is “not going down like this.”
A TikToker has become the modern-day Kinsey scale.

In Owens’ America, this all makes perfect sense.

Add some lawsuits, sprinkle in alleged closeted celebrities, throw in a man with a dog-themed handle on TikTok, and baby — you’ve got yourself a viral morality play.

🔥 Verdict: Spectacle Over Substance

This isn’t journalism.

It’s not even commentary.

It’s a trainwreck of identity politics, legal warfare, and manufactured outrage — but that’s exactly why it works.

Candace Owens didn’t just report the news.

She became the news.

With her blend of sarcasm, conspiracy, and courtroom drama, she’s turning the culture war into must-see TV.

And in case you forgot: the real losers in this saga? Probably everyone involved.

Stay tuned.

The twinkle wars have just begun.